Stay With Me
by MidnightThief15
Summary: It was her fault. Everything was her fault. But she'd find a way to fix it. She had to. HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

_..._

_Outside the rain's falling down,  
>There's not a drop that hits me<br>Scream at the sky, but no sound  
>Is leaving my lips<br>__It's like I can't even feel  
>After the way you touched me<br>I'm not asleep, but I'm not awake  
>After the way you loved me <em>

_..._

Quinn had found a note in her locker, asking her to come to the auditorium after school. She didn't know who it was from, but she had come anyways, curious.

And now here she was, standing in the middle of it, the overhead lights on her like a spotlight, and Sam stood on the far left side of the stage, his eyes like ice.

It reminded Quinn of how much he hated her, how angry he still was at her. Why did he have to hold a grudge for so long? Why couldn't he just forgive her and kiss her again like he used to? She was _sorry_—more sorry than she ever knew she was capable of. Every time she saw him, it hurt so much. Every time he had laughed or talked or touched or _kissed_ Santana, her insides had burned so badly she thought she might combust.

But here she still was, and there he was, so far away. Unreachable—untouchable. Quinn's whole life was just one mistake after the next. Could she do nothing right?

"What do you want?" Quinn asked him, close to tears from his coldness.

"I want to know why you did it." Sam said, his eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the piano.

"It's hard to forget your first love." She told him.

"Yet you cheated on him too!" Sam accused, shouting. Quinn jumped back in surprise and fear. "That's all you know how to do, isn't it?"

Quinn lowered her eyes to the floor. "That was different." She whispered.

"How?" He demanded, his voice unkind. He still hadn't forgiven her for what she'd done to him.

Quinn didn't respond, and Sam slammed his fists on the piano in anger. "_How?_" He repeated.

Quinn was shaking, tears stinging the back of her eyes.

"Damn it Quinn!"

"Because I felt unloved!" Quinn snapped at him, the tears now freely falling down her eyes.

Sam froze. He hadn't been expecting that. He had been expecting—had been prepared—for her to say anything other than that.

"You never saw how he _looked_ at her, how he _talked_ to her. I felt second best to _Rachel Berry_. Do you know how that feels? I felt like my own _boyfriend_ cared more for that loser than he did for me!" Quinn's voice was rough, and she was hugging herself, her face crumpled. Sam got the distinct impression that not many people had ever seen the popular head cheerleader like this before.

"I felt like _Lucy_." She whispered, trying her best to keep the sobs at bay.

Quinn Fabray, the most poised and controlled person he'd ever met, sounded broken and defeated, and Sam had to keep himself from walking over to her and enveloping her in a hug, and never letting go—because, as much as he was angry with her, he still loved her. She was _his_ first love, and he understood exactly what she felt for Finn. But that didn't stop the bitter feelings that clung to his heart, the ones that hated that she'd never feel for Sam what she felt for Finn.

"I felt ugly and unwanted. And there was Puck, flirting with his best friend's girlfriend, and suddenly I didn't feel like that anymore. I felt like someone wanted me again, like I was someone's first pick out of every other girl. I was so _desperate_ for his stupid love that I slept with him and—well you know the rest."

Sam did know. The price for cheating on her boyfriend was a baby, one that would scare Quinn away from having sex for quite a while.

When it appeared Quinn was done, Sam swallowed and built up the courage to speak what was coming next. "So you just waited around for things to get rocky with Finn and Rachel, which they did. You used me to bide the time until they broke up and you could swoop in and charm Finn back into your arms." Sam bit out. "And now he's yours, and you _still_ don't look satisfied!"

Quinn bit her lip and looked back down at the floor.

"_Why_ did you do it, Quinn?" Sam asked, his voice softer. He was tired, emotionally exhausted. "Why did you cheat on me with him? Why didn't you just break up with me?"

Quinn wiped some of the dampness away from her cheeks with her hands. She looked up into his eyes. "Because I loved you."

"_BULL!_" Sam shouted, outraged. He pushed away from the piano and stood there, clenching his fists at his sides.

Quinn's eyes stayed on Sam's though. She didn't divert them like he had been anticipating.

"Is it so impossible to be in love with two people at once?" Quinn asked calmly. "When Finn and Rachel broke up, I hadn't been expecting anything. But then he kissed me, and all of the feelings just flooded back. I didn't know what to do, and my heart ached." She wiped some more tears away and took a deep breath. "I couldn't stop myself from kissing him when we were alone together. But…after a while, I decided that it wasn't him I wanted anymore, but you."

Quinn's eyes found the ground once again. "But it was too late."

Sam walked toward her, stopping so close to her. He tucked her beautifully blonde hair behind her left ear. "It was too late as soon as you kissed him back."

Quinn looked up at him, her eyes still wet, tears still slowly falling from them. It was so hard for Sam not to kiss her or hug her. Just touching her sent his heart into a wild frenzy, just being this close to her again.

"I still love you." Quinn told him softly, her eyes locked with his. Sam swore he could hear his heart breaking, because he wanted to tell her the exact same thing. But he knew that he couldn't.

"Then why did you go straight to him after we broke up? Why didn't you even try with me?" Sam's voice was just as soft as Quinn's.

"You were so angry, and I was heartbroken by what had happened. Finn was already there, waiting for me, and it was just so easy to go back into his ready arms." Sam could tell by her voice that she was not proud of what she'd done, and Quinn was _always_ proud of herself.

"You made a pretty convincing show of being in love with him again." Sam said, not even noticing that his hand was playing with her soft locks. "Never even paying me any attention. You didn't try to get back with me even after Santana and I called it quits, either."

Quinn bit her lip and stared at his mouth. Probably not the best choice on her part, but it was better than staring into those eyes.

"When you really want to believe something, you go all out to make it true. And then when that picture of Lucy went up around schools, I was so sure that it was the end—of everything. But he accepted it, and he loved it, and that was more than I could ask of anyone."

Sam hated hearing about Finn like this. "So why now?" he choked out. "Why do you want to be with me now, after all this? Why not stay with Finn?"

It took Quinn a minute to find the words, in which time Sam had finally realized what his hands were doing and he retracted them down to his sides, making them stay put.

"Because…I'll always love Finn, but being with him again wasn't what I had imagined it would be. I didn't want to be back in the position that had started all this—fighting to keep my boyfriend's attention on me instead of another girl. He had forgiven me for cheating on him with Puck, and I knew that in time he'd forgive Rachel too; and then what?"

Quinn took a deep breath and looked up into Sam's eyes, grabbing his hand boldly. "I wanted a boyfriend who loved me above everyone else—who didn't even look at other girls. I didn't realize until after I was with Finn again that what I really wanted, what Finn was unable to give me, was all that you _had_ given me. I feel so complete with you, like I don't need anything else in the world but you."

Sam's thumb stroked the back of Quinn's hand, and she nearly melted with the intimate gesture. He had to still have feelings for her, he _had_ to—and that thought gave her some hope, some confidence.

"I regret it," Quinn whispered to him. "I wish I hadn't done it. I've never been sorrier for anything. I'm even more sorry than I was when I cheated on Finn."

Sam eyed her mouth, his own hungry for it, his body as equally hungry to have her petite frame fitted against his muscular one.

"I love you too, Quinn." Sam said, his voice husky and filled with want—want that only she could quench.

He watched as her beautiful little mouth curved into a smile behind all the tears. She started to move closer to him, turning her head slightly to the side.

Sam hated himself when he put his large hands on her smooth cheeks and gently pushed her away, hated himself even more when he said: "But I can't forgive you."

And he watched her face crumple again as her hopes and confidence came crashing down to Earth.

It was true that Sam loved Quinn, but she had cheated on people so much, and he just didn't want to take the risk that she'd do it with him again. Because, honestly, his heart couldn't take a second time. It had barely survived the first.

Sam retracted his hands from her face and backed away from her, watching as Quinn stood there, not moving an inch.

And then he turned around and walked out of the auditorium. He wanted so much to go back and kiss her brains out, sweep her off her feet, tell her that he was sorry and that he _did_ forgive her, that he loved her no matter what.

But it was too late now. He couldn't stop and go back.

It was the hardest thing Sam ever had to do, to reject and turn away from the girl he loved, and Sam had never hated himself or anything else more than in that instant, in that second.

He knew it was also the worst decision of his life. Nothing had ever felt so wrong before.

But he still didn't look back.

_..._

_Everywhere that I go  
>I see another memory<br>__And all the places we used to know,  
><em>_They're always there to haunt me  
>I walk around and I feel<br>So lost and lonely  
>You're everything that I want,<br>But you don't want me _

_..._

* * *

><p><strong>Song: "Sleepwalker" by Adam Lambert<strong>

**What do you think? Let me know if you want me to continue this, and make it a happy ending, or leave it like it is with the sad ending. Reviews are extremely appreciated; I really want to know your thoughts and opinions on this.**


	2. Chapter 2

_..._

_Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show  
>Never wanted it to be so cold<br>I want to stay in love with my sorrow _

_..._

The cheery, colorful room was unusually dark, tissues spilling over from the comforter of the bed. Quinn's hair was spilled out over her pillow, wild and dirty. She didn't feel like washing it.

She stared blankly at the wall across from her; her body turned on its side and curled into itself.

There was a gentle knock on the door. "Quinnie?" Her mom's head poked in through the narrow slit.

When there was no reply, her mom sighed and opened the door all the way, stepping into the room and closing the door softly behind her. She padded over to the bed in her slippers and stared down at the girl underneath all the covers.

Quinn had been through so much. She had survived all her torment from her previous school, had made it through an unplanned pregnancy—no thanks to her or her husband, she remembered with no small amount of guilt—and now she was falling apart over one guy, after everything. She remembered when Finn had dumped her after he found out that the baby wasn't his. She wasn't this bad even then.

Mrs. Fabray sighed again and sat down on the opposite side of the bed.

"Do you want anything, sweetie?"

Quinn shook her head, still staring at the wall.

"Do you want to talk more about it?"

"No," Quinn whispered out, her voice weak. She didn't have the strength to put anything behind it.

"You can't stay in here forever, you know. I let you stay home today, but I want you to go to school tomorrow."

"I can't," Quinn said, suddenly on the verge of tears again.

"Oh sweetie," Mrs. Fabray cooed sadly, putting her hand on Quinn's shoulder. "I know this hurts, but you can't let it keep you down like this."

"But I can't see Sam again." Quinn said, squeezing her eyes shut and plugging her nose to keep from crying.

"Honey, if you stay in here forever, you're letting Sam know how much this is affecting you. You should be strong and show him that you don't need him in your life to make you happy." Mrs. Fabray said.

"But I do!" It didn't work, and Quinn was crying again. Her throat was sore from last night's crying and this morning's, but still she was able to pump more water out of her red, puffy eyes. Her nose looked atrocious.

"Well…maybe there's a way that you two can still be together. Maybe if you give him a little more time to mull over your apology, he'll come around. You said that he told you he loved you."

Quinn nodded, sniffling.

"Well, if you love someone enough, it's impossible to stay away and be with someone else. It just doesn't work. If he loves you as much as I think he does, then he'll come back to you."

"But I messed up so badly." Quinn sobbed, her entire body shaking.

Mrs. Fabray hated seeing her daughter like this, but she didn't know what to do, what to say, to make things better. Quinn wasn't a kid anymore. No amount of food or gifts or hugs would make this better. Pep talks just weren't what they used to be anymore. It seemed like high school's problems were just too much for anyone to handle, let alone someone as fragile as her little Quinn.

"Then maybe you need to change yourself. Prove to him that you're different—that you've fixed all of the mistakes that drove him away. Make him realize that he needs you."

"But how?" Quinn asked.

Mrs. Fabray hesitated. "I don't know, Quinnie." She told her daughter sadly. "I wish I had all the answers, but I just don't. These are things you need to discover on your own, inside yourself."

Mrs. Fabray plucked a tissue out of the box and handed it to Quinn, who gratefully took it and blew her nose into it, hiccupping afterwards.

Standing up, Mrs. Fabray started gathering up the tissues and tossing them in the trash bin in the room. "Come on, Quinn. Let's get you something to eat. You haven't had anything all day. You'll feel better after you've had a nice warm meal and are out of this dark room. And then we'll get to work on that dried nose of yours and see if we can help it a bit."

Quinn didn't want to get up. She wanted to stay in her bed for the rest of her life. But her stomach was determined to be against her, and it grumbled in starvation.

After dinner, Quinn would start trying to fix her life, pick up the broken pieces and put them back together again. She _would_ fix her flaws. But she had no optimism, and she had no hope. Sam wouldn't want her again. Who would? She was a mean girl who did mean things, and didn't think about anyone but herself.

The thought left her depressed once more.

As she left her room after her mother, she deliberately turned away from the full-length mirror in her room. She was afraid of what she'd find there, beneath the pretty face, blonde hair, and slender body.

She was terrified of seeing Lucy in her reflection.

She didn't want to believe it: That no matter how much you changed on the outside, how you tried to change on the inside, your true self would always shine through.

Quinn had made a compromise long ago. It was either be ugly on the outside or be ugly on the inside. Be the victim or be the bully. She had already made so many changes.

But one thing still hadn't changed, after all these years.

Everybody hated her, and so did she.

_..._

_Anything is better than to be alone  
>And in the end, I guess I had to fall<br>Always find my place among the ashes _

_..._

* * *

><p><strong>Song: "Lithium" by Evanescence.<strong>

**Super short chapter, but it's one that needed to be put in. I didn't know how to make it longer. I don't really care for this chapter all that much, but it IS important. You might see why later on. I've decided to continue this story since a lot of people wanted to see more. :) Hope you enjoy and please review!**


End file.
